So, I had an emotional night last night. It began with the elections. As I watched the celebrations and listened to the speeches a part of me was very proud to share in this momentus time of the election of the first African American president. Although I did not at all want Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States of America, I could feel the significance of this moment for African Americans throughout this nation, and for all Americans for that matter. I hate racism and am broken-hearted when I hear it surfacing today. I am grieved by our nations history regarding slavery and racism, and I have always looked forward to the day when we would have our first African American president and when we will have our first woman president. So, part of my emotions were happy. Then, my mind would think about the Supreme Court decisions ahead, and I just wanted to sob as I thought about the millions of babies who have been aborted in this country and how it is possible now that what few limitations there are on abortion will be stripped and abortion rights will be expanded. OK, so this is not really a political post even if it sounds like it; I am just trying to show what set the stage for my emotional breakdown last night.
I think I get so invested in these elections that every cycle I get this desire to someday go into politics. I want to be a voice in this nation and in the world that will make a difference. So, last night I get home after being a little emotional from the election, then someone was upset with me about something totally unrelated and I got more emotional, then as I stood on my balcony at my apartment and thought about my life I got even more emotional. I tried to explain this swirl of emotion to my sisters and all I could say was that "I am just emotional because I want to do everything. I want to be a missionary; I want to be a writer; I want to be a senator or state representative; I want to be a judge; I want to be a wife and mother; I want to go back to school; I want to travel the world; I want to do everything."
In the end, I think it was cathartic for me. I think when we allow our emotions to surface then we can truly hand them over to God and receive His peace in exchange. And I did. I have such peace right now. As far as the country goes, I believe we have days ahead in which we will be challenged more than ever to stand up, pray, and make our voices heard. I think when their is a republican in office, even if many don't like his decisions, conservatives feel somewhat of a safety in that and don't invest themselves as much in what is going on. Maybe now we will pay more attention, and that is a good thing. I have also have peace about my life. I don't believe in being led by my emotions, but I don't believe in suppressing them either. God is my Father and He loves me so much. He wants me to crawl up in His lap and tell Him everything on my heart. He holds me close to His chest and tells me He knows and I can trust in Him. He has placed these desires in my heart and He knows why and how they will be fulfilled. We don't have to hold anything back from God. We can have an emotional breakdown as long as we are satisfied to rest in Pappa's lap.